RENT-A-COPs: TOO LAZY TO CHASE A PUNK DOWN

So I'm at the neighborhood Target store tonight and I come across this RoboCop lookin' 'Assets Protection' motorized turd-limo. It's basically a Lark Motorized Scooter that's had a fist-full of steroids rammed up its tailpipe.
It's my observation that by nature, Rent-A-Cops are usually fat and lazy, but Christ on a Cracker, how f'in lazy you gotta be to hunt a shoplifter down on your scooter? Doesn't it waste hell'a more time to wobble over to your scooter before you engage in pursuit of said shoplifter?? Are shoplifters these days expected to sit around and wait patiently while your fat ass mounts his trusty 'Assets Protection' steed?
Hey big guy, you totally 'blend in' with the crowd on your scooter. I totally didn't see your incognito radness, lurking behind the clearance rack there!